“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar.
“I—I hardly know, Sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.” - Alice in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Caroll.
Who are you? Are your beliefs today the same as they were twenty or thirty years ago, or even just last week? Let’s hope not. At a time when the term “being your authentic self” is tossed around as the new life motto, I am curious how we find and redefine what it means to be authentic.
This summer, I took myself down a rabbit hole into my past and found it quite enlightening. In the year 2000, I wrote a novel. It is a 400-page full blown intergenerational saga teeming with violence, sex, broken relationships, and death. I remember it being an entertaining and healing exercise for me at the time, and once I understood there was nothing I could write that was crazier than reality, I simply let my imagination run wild!
Over the last 23 years, I’ve thought about my novel from time to time, but I never found the right moment to go back and revisit it. Then last spring when I did decide to finally take a look, the entire manuscript had disappeared from my computer. I hired various computer gurus to search the cloud and my hard drive with no success. It was lost, and I had to mourn that loss. Then cleaning out boxes in June, I miraculously found a hard copy! I decided to re-type the manuscript and preserve my story - seemed like the perfect project for a hot Texas summer.
As I started typing, I found I had little memory of all the twists and turns of the story. I was frankly shocked by some of the things I had scripted and realized I could never have written this book today. For a brief moment, I thought about rewriting and cleaning up the narrative, but I also appreciated that this was a window into my past and an opportunity to reflect on a much younger version of myself. Turned out the woman who wrote that book no longer felt like a part of me!
During the last 23 years of living, I have thankfully evolved and no longer carry the angst, fears, and passion for drama that drove me to pour myself on to those pages in 2000. I now find myself more aligned with inner peace, quiet, surrender - and I detest drama. I ultimately enjoyed re-typing the story as much as writing the original. That being said, I am a much better writer today and this book needed to be edited. I resolved to honor the woman who wrote the book and acted solely as an editor while leaving the original story intact.
So, who is the authentic me? The woman who wrote that scintillating novel 23 years ago, or the one who edited it today?
I believe that living authentically is a journey of self-awareness and growth. Along the path, we can discover who we are in a particular moment in time, embracing our uniqueness, acknowledging our flaws, and refusing to let other people’s opinions define us. To keep growing, we must be willing to reevaluate and redefine what being authentic means as we stumble through different phases of our lives, integrating new information and experiences in an ever-shifting landscape.
How many of you have inadvertently fallen down a rabbit hole you never saw coming and emerged transformed, only to look back on the person you left behind with disbelief and often gratitude for the makeover! There are so many life milestones and moments that can reshape us: marriage or divorce, job change or a move, becoming a parent, illness or accident. Life offers unlimited opportunities for learning; allowing us to shed the parts of ourselves that no longer fit and slip into something with a style that better aligns with who we are becoming.
Maya Angelou famously said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Life is not about living in the past and wallowing in the comfort of our ignorance. It takes courage to continue growing, but it is also a privilege we should not take for granted. I was raised by a mother who thought vegetables were highly over-rated and served us sliced bananas with colored sugar sprinkles on top and called it a salad! I know better now, and I’m healthier for it. When we remain open to change and intentional in our quest to expand our minds, ask questions, and embrace the truth, finding our authentic selves is possible.
Still, growing into an authentic person is a lifelong quest. Our disappointments, challenges, and other unplanned experiences are not unwanted detours but essential back alley and side-street investigations that shape and define who we are striving to become. We learn that true authenticity isn’t about avoiding failure or judgement from others but about resilience, determination, and how we respond to the challenges we face.
How can you find your personal path to authenticity? Don’t get stuck in the past. That person isn’t you. Embrace silence, open your eyes (as well as your mind) and be present. Ask questions, and when you think you have the answer, ask some more. Most importantly, listen to your inner voice and speak to yourself with compassion, acknowledging that the voices you listen to, especially your own, will define who you hope to become.
"I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Caroll.
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