Embracing Hope and Courage
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let bitterness steal sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Kurt Vonnegut
I believe we are all born soft - hearts open, naturally hopeful and sponges for life’s experiences. If we’re lucky, we get a few years of beautiful naiveite before society’s messaging begins to harden us, insisting we leave our pure joy and “childish fantasies” behind. There is nothing more precious than the joy in the face of a child who is still living in magic…the way they light up when they see bubbles, fireflies, the ocean, stars! I have vivid memories of sitting with my sister and passionately repeating over and over, “I do believe in fairies” “I do believe in fairies” after watching Peter Pan. Two sisters immersed in a mission to bring back all of the fairies who had been sent to their deaths by non-believing children. We believed our words held power – an enchanting moment before the world told us to be quiet.
But what if the child versions of ourselves were right?
I didn’t want to grow up then, and maybe I still don’t. In a world plagued by disappointments and loss, toxic media, and uncertainty, it feels necessary to harden our hearts and put-up walls. We are taught to protect ourselves against the dangers of life – both real and perceived - and fend off the perpetual anxiety that threatens to extinguish the light within us…but I don’t believe that light can ever be completely snuffed out!
There was a time in my life – too much time – when I allowed the world to harden me. When I felt like I needed to put on my armor each morning just to get through the demands of the day. “Be soft” was certainly not the messaging I received growing up. When I was a child, my tears labeled me as too sensitive, and my speech impediment made me vulnerable to jokes and ridicule. The message I got was to “toughen up” and I did. As I grew up, I bought into the illusion of competition, control, money, and possessions as the road to happiness instead of looking inside, following my heart, and feeding my light.
It has taken work and courage to peel off my armor and tear down the walls I put up to protect myself. I am slowly regaining my softness, becoming like the stuffies my granddaughters collect – huggable, spongy, comfy. But being soft does not mean that I am weak. It’s just the opposite. I am stronger and more self-confident than I have been in years. Actually, I am pretty kick-ass! I am becoming more flexible, gentler, quieter, less rigid in my views, and peaceful. I am more in touch with my emotions, and I cry easily…which is so healthy! My heart continues to open and expand. I am tough and bold in the ways that matter to me, and vulnerable in the ways that enhance my life and allow me to be me.
My one fear is that I did not reclaim my softness soon enough and passed on the same antiquated nonsense to my own children. For that, I am sorry, but hopeful that my grandchildren are getting a different message.
Recently, I was taking my daily walk and doing my arm circles, each arm extended out from my sides like a giant “T”, rotating forwards and backwards in quick circular motions. A woman stopped me and said, “I would be so embarrassed to be seen doing that!” The only thing I could think to say was, “I’m sorry” - not that I was twirling my arms but that she was embarrassed for me. While I may look like I am about to take flight, I was simply being me and doing what’s in my power to combat that flabby under-arm skin! (You ladies know what I’m talking about.)
I’ve accepted that being understood is highly overrated.
This life is both challenging and spectacular, and we only get one. What can possibly be gained by giving into our fear and anxiety and clinging to our anger and bitterness along the way. NOTHING! We can choose to live better:·
· Reflect on your mindset and emotions·
· Practice self-compassion toward yourself and others. Be kind.
· Cultivate empathy by listening. Suspend judgement.
· Let go of resentment and anger. Practice forgiveness.
· Choose gratitude and love.
Don’t allow yourself to be paralyzed by the world. You have a choice. By embracing softness, you can counteract the negative voices that feel like they are coming at you from every direction and create space for hope and courage. You were created to light up the world, to take up space, and to live with joy. It’s never too late to reclaim your light and embark on a new path.
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