Only By Healing Ourselves Can We Heal the World
“Trauma breeds further trauma; hurt people hurt other people." - Besser Van Der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps Score
We don’t come into this life as blank slates. We emerge with both genetic and emotional markers. We don't just inherit our skin tone, height, eye color, and other physical features from our parents; we also inherit our family story. We are born holding the narrative of those who came before us…their successes, struggles, and views about life. I love my parents, grandparents, and other assorted ancestors who contributed to my emotional portrait, but honestly…they were a real shitshow!
The emotional legacies of our well-meaning ancestors often set the stage, knowingly or unknowingly, for how emotions within a family are dealt with and protected. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died, or the story has been suppressed or forgotten, the memories and feelings can silently live on, revealing ripples of behavior and choices that affect subsequent generations.
Domestic violence, drug and alcohol addiction, child abuse and neglect, depression, and suicide are all common examples of generational trauma, carrying stigmas and shame which make it difficult for those born into the system to break the cycle and shine light on their suffering.
Trauma with a big “T” or trauma with a little “t”, we’ve all been through it one way or another. When we ignore our trauma, our bodies react emotionally and physically. This can manifest in a variety of ways including unexplained anger, increased anxiety, sleep problems, withdrawal, fear, eating disorders, depression, numbing, and attentions seeking behaviors. Trauma is not something you can hide from. The body does keep score, whether we want to acknowledge it or not!
The journey to healing begins by recognizing the connection between your physical well-being and your emotional history. Do you live in a heightened state of anxiety and fear? Do you numb yourself with work, drugs, or alcohol? Do you internalize your emotions or disassociate until something triggers you? Are you the keeper of the secrets in your family that allow the trauma to continue?
Mark Wolynn, author of It Didn’t Start With You, encourages parents to speak openly with their children regarding their own trauma. Sharing our stories can be scary, but it is through this shared vulnerability that we are able to crack open the door for healing to begin. Wolynn encourages parents to “Tell [your children] the terrible things that happened to you and whatever you know about what happened to your parents and your grandparents. They could be the unwitting recipients of painful feelings from the past. When you tell them what tragedies smolder in the family history, it can come as a great relief to them—especially if they make the connection that they’ve been carrying what belongs to you or to your parents or grandparents.”
Is unresolved trauma stopping you from living your best life? There is a way forward. It can start by simply identifying the patterns that exist within your family. Then working with a qualified trauma therapist, you can develop compassion and tools for yourself and other family members caught up in this struggle.
It takes courage to peel away our protective layers and explore the darkness and secrets woven into our past, but when you heal yourself, you open the door to healing your current family as well as future generations. With each person who chooses to heal themselves, we become one step closer to healing the world.
What is Life Coaching?
Coaching is a forward-looking approach to healing and growth. I create a non-judgement space for you to gain confidence, shatter your negative limiting beliefs, implement goals, and start living in a place of peace and abundance. Are you willing to get uncomfortable, challenge your comfort zone, and take steps to reclaim control of your life?
I am accepting 1:1 clients. If you are ready to take the next step in your journey, book a free call today.
Please share this Blog with anyone you think might benefit from this message.