Is it Time to Create a New Pattern for Your Life?
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”
-Charles Darwin
Over the last few years, I have found an inner peace I believed was impossible for me to attain…shocking really! A peaceful aurora had never suited me. I was more attuned to living my life in a chaotic and colorful manner, one that became predictable to me…even comfortable.
My pattern of living was woven from a lifetime of lessons - integrating my childhood vulnerabilities and experiences with the demands for perfection and unrealistic expectations that emerged as I grew into adulthood. Running through life and ignoring the internal nudges that begged for calm amid the chaos, I wore the messages of my childhood like a suit of armor, striking down anyone in my path who dared to try and open my eyes to change.
I was a warrior who ignored my own needs in service to the demands of others. As the mother of many, I had spent forty plus years raising children, working, managing the schedules of a large family, cooking, doing laundry, driving…driving…driving. Those were years when putting on pants seemed like a waste of energy. I became a “waist up” woman seen only through a car window waving as I dropped off or picked up a kid from an activity, my lower extremities permanently clad in pajamas.
But even when that part of my life was over, I could not shake the pattern. My children were gone, living their own lives - as was husband number two. My nest was truly empty. I was working but found myself with more time than I had faced in decades. How did I handle this newfound freedom? Did I hang up my armor, put my feet up, buy some cozy slippers? No. I filled up my time in different ways: I took on a second job, did charity work, worked out and then worked out more. It took the pandemic to humble me, shut me down, and shake me out of a lifelong pattern that had become my norm.
They say the body keeps score, but in my case, it was my teeth. A week or so into Covid, I was sitting in bed watching TV and drinking a glass of wine when my front tooth broke off. After texting my dentist and putting my phone in my mouth to take pictures, I was told that this did not qualify as a pandemic emergency. No smiling for me. Then my back two molars developed an infection, which was considered an emergency. A lovely dental surgeon took the back two teeth, and since I was there and unconscious, removed the rest of my front tooth, and then for good measure, took the one next to it as well. Down four teeth, I was grateful to wear a mask but feeling more isolated than I had ever been.
Most people will admit to learning their most valuable lessons during challenging times, and I was no different. As humans, we share a common root system, not just in our teeth! For the first time in my life, I found myself connected to humanity in a unique way, struggling with the same fears, losses, and isolation facing much of the world. With virtually no human contact, I found strength by engaging in stories of unknown people throughout the world. By reading, listening, and observing the struggles of others, I connected with realities I had not previously known or been willing to see.
Over the last years, I think we’ve all been humbled in one way or another, moving through our own cycles of grief and loss. I believe my ability to thrive during this time and survive the endless shifts was directly tied to my capacity to embrace compassion, discover what I really cared about, and implement change.
I began to weigh what I thought I wanted against the way I was living. I replaced chaos with peace by reframing my priorities and focusing on what mattered in my life – letting go of commitments and people I was no longer passionate about. I resolved to be present with the people I wanted to keep in my life, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and focusing on kindness.
Being fully present is hard but melting into the eyes of another person as they share themselves and their vulnerabilities reveals the essence of human love. When we expose our rips and tears, we discover ways to mend the holes with fresh colors, threads, and designs. By listening openly and assuming best intentions, rather than putting on our armor and preparing to fight back, we begin to find common ground.
Change begins one person at a time, and I believe by making a conscious effort to heal ourselves that we can alter the world. When we take responsibility and resolve to find the underlying cause of our trauma, anger, addictions, and fears, we break free from the patterns of our past and create new pathways to inner peace and healing.
What is Life Coaching?
Coaching is a forward-looking approach to healing and growth. I create a non-judgement space for you to gain confidence, shatter your negative limiting beliefs, implement goals, and start living in a place of peace and abundance. Are you willing to get uncomfortable, challenge your comfort zone, and take steps to reclaim control of your life?
Are you are someone looking to make changes in your life but unsure where to start?
I am accepting 1:1 clients. If you are ready to take the next step in your journey, book a free call today